It’s time to stop hiding behind a mask
And share the real you
On a simplistic level, most people hide behind a mask of varying degrees at different stages of their life. Teenagers often hide behind a fear of not truly understanding who they are meant to be. Parents hide behind a fear of failing to live up to the unrealistic expectations of parenthood. Some people hide behind fear of being exposed as someone they are not. Is there anything wrong with hiding behind a mask?
As a woman, a mother, a wife, a friend and a member of a community, hiding behind a mask was the only way I could survive the daily pressures. Juggling each role I had often pushed me out of my comfort zone and into a world where I could potentially fall flat on my face. To avoid being real, hiding behind a mask was essential for my protection:
- As a woman, I would stay on the dieting roller coaster of starving myself to achieve the ‘perfect’ body.
- As a mother I would stay calm in public, smiling at my little angels while screaming inside that the little buggers had broken my spirit and I wanted to ‘quit’ this parenting thing.
- As a wife, I would pretend I loved to attend to my husband’s needs, cooking and keeping house, while desperately trying to show the world what a perfect marriage we had.
- As a friend I would try to make everyone happy, saying the right (but often the wrong) things, often feeling left out and wondering why I tried so hard.
- As a member of the community, I would smile on the outside, pretending I had my shit sorted out, all the while I was falling apart.
Lucky for me I have always had lots of support and a shit load of determination to be the person I knew was hiding behind the mask. It took me to reach my 40’s before I realised that fear was the only thing that was holding me back. Fear of failing. Fear of getting hurt. Fear of looking incompetent. Fear of people seeing the ‘real’ me and not liking what they saw.
It took years of hard work, learning and practicing to eliminate my fear. There are parts of my life where I still put on my confident smile and pretend I am awesome at what I am doing. As a woman I no longer diet as I have learnt that my body is my best friend, not my enemy. As a mother I admit when I have no idea what to do and when I’ve been defeated – and it has made me a better mum. As a wife I have been honest with my hubby about my struggles and that strong women need help too. As a friend I have realised friendship is a relationship that involves both people loving and caring equally. Friends are there to support each other, not destroy successes. As a member of the community I now put myself out there, not to be knocked down but to learn from so many wonderful people who surround me.
Do you need to help to stop hiding behind a mask? Firstly, remember nothing changes if you don’t make the commitment to be open to change. When you are serious about change, try these:
- Write down what actually scares you. Make it real.
- Work on one mask at a time, no need to out yourself under too much pressure.
- Force yourself to move out of your comfort zone, facing the fear head on – at least taking steps in fears direction.
- Remind yourself of any successes in the past and how good you felt after achieving them.
- Start telling yourself you CAN do this.
- Learn to believe in yourself – listen to your words.
- Doing something is better than doing nothing. Happiness increases when things are changing so make the start today.
Have an awesome day
Linking up with Kylie Purtell for #IBOT
I tend to vomit out all that’s bugging me – I actually had to apologise to a friend yesterday for monopolising lunch with my whining (not a usual thing, but she caught me on a bad day) she said “I have friend’s that pretend their life is perfect, They always make me feel inadequate”. So there is an upside to being maskless at times (and you feel better getting it all out)
Absolutely. I used to pretend I found having 4 kids so easy and that I was probably the best mum in the world. But all that does is make other beautiful women feel like they can’t keep up when in reality, they didn’t need to keep up at all.
I find it very difficult to allow my vulnerabilities to be shown, but am often rewarded when I do.
It’s definitely not easy, but one of the best way to grow and create.
I have always had a fear of failing or a fear of looking stupid or a fear of seeming vulnerable. I am taking steps to remove my mask and push myself out of my comfort zone a lot.
A recent example is starting swimming lessons with my daughter. I was afraid of doing it all wrong and embarrassing myself but I ‘jumped in the deep end’ and took her. I felt so proud of myself afterwards and actually really enjoyed it.
I even asked one of the other mums questions about where to go and where to leave my pram whereas once upon a time I would have panicked in silence and tried to keep my mask on, pretending that I had everything together.
Yeah.. good on you Amy. That is exactly what you need to do as a way to stop worrying. No one else probably even noticed your anxiety about taking such a big step but you have now taken it on your own. That’s fantastic.
I love this advice Natalie. I’ve also spent most of my life behind a mask and have only just started to emerge from it. Why does it take half our lives to work that out???
If we could find out this answer Kirsty, we would be rich. LOL
I think I come across as happier than I really am. I wear a mask to disguise my anxiety and my ability to cope in certain situations. And in doing that at times I am in fear of coming across fake
I think my level of “maskedness” depends on those I am around. Those I truly love, see me warts and all. And thankfully stil love me back. But I think in day to day life, I’m more closed just because it’s easier.
Doing something is better than nothing, ain’t that the truth! Great tips, Natalie x
#teamIBOT
Progress is happiness for many people