A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime
Supporting your flow of energy
Everyone has different needs, different values & beliefs and this combination are what determines the types of people you should have in your tribe. The people you surround yourself with are there for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
Everyone has a story and each is unique. Before you can work on your tribe, you must first work on yourself. This can be scary as it forces you to really look deep at yourself, analysing all your traits. Looking at yourself intimately brings out vulnerability. No one wants to feel vulnerable but in order to grow, to find that inner happiness you deserve, you need to open yourself up to being vulnerable.
Growing up, I was the teenager who got very jealous when I felt like I was being left out. I wanted to wrap up a couple of my close friends and not share them with anyone. If someone tried to worm their way into our friendship group, I saw red. How dare they try to break up a perfect friendship? This is when I would turn nasty against the “new” girl trying to just be friends with us. I always thought people liked my other friends more than they liked me and that broke my heart. If I look back and speak honestly, it probably wasn’t that they didn’t like me, it was that I wouldn’t allow them to come into my friendship group and turned into a bitch. I know who I would prefer to hang around with – the nice girl or the bitch!!
Groups of three don’t work unless you are extremely secure in your own skin. Three means someone is always left out. I had a few experiences with a three friendship and I hated every minute of it. I was either jealous or angry or hurt or depressed. What a shit way to feel around friends?
It wasn’t until I was much older (and mean a lot older) that I started to like myself more and started putting myself first. If someone didn’t make me feel good about myself, why would I continue to give them my time? Time is so precious that every minute should be spent with people who boost your energy, not drain it.
A REASON – this is someone who enters your life to help your through a difficult time and will provide the perfect support – emotionally, physically or spiritually. They always seem to say the right words or call you when you are at your lowest. They appear to be the strength you are lacking and you rely on their kind heart and soul.
Without explanation, this person leaves your life, either a slow departure or very abruptly. Sometimes this occurs because of a disagreement after such an intense relationship. Sometimes your hand is forced or they simply walk away. I now understand that when this happens, as sad as I feel at the loss of a friendship, my need has been filled and we no longer need each in the same way. The reason has passed and it is time to move on.
A SEASON – this is a person who you will learn from and you will reciprocate the teaching. This learning period is your time to grow, become a better person and share your beauty with this friend. This person often brings such happiness and a deep level of love.
Unfortunately when the learning comes to and end so too does the friendship. This friendship can bring such pain when it ends as one person may have moved on long before the other person but it will always remain deep in your memory. I have had these friendships and they have shaped the person I am today.
A LIFETIME – this person touches your heart and soul like no one else can. This includes a lifetime of learning, building on each, learning from each other and always has a strong emotional connection. Once you accept this person, it no longer matters whether you see each other daily, monthly or yearly, the foundation is solid and friendship is forever.
When I understood this, I started to understand my past, my present and my future on a deeper level. I no longer feel guilty if a friend has moved on. I have forgiven myself when I made mistakes as I have to live with me forever. Sometimes in life, changes happen we do not want or accept but new changes can be just as exciting and beneficial.
Do you have friendships that have been for a reason, a season, a lifetime?
Linking up with Kylie Purtell for #IBOT
I have mainly lifetime friendships – I guess some seasonal. Interesting post…
You are lucky to have so many lifetime friends.
I’d never thought about groups of three before until a friend mentioned it to me. I said my daughter has two very good friends at school and she said be careful of triangle friendships. Very interesting.
I don’t know how much it happens when they are little but as they mature (and especially girls) wow, the bitchiness can be very scary.
I like how you’ve distinguished between a reason, a season or a lifetime. Sometimes friendships end and that can be painful, but we don’t need to feel guilty. Instead we can be thankful for what that friendship was for that time.
Beautifully said Bella. We need to cherish the friendship we actually had in the first place.
The worst time my oldest had was the friendship group of three. She got the short end of the stick regularly and was often in tears. I had to keep reminding her friends don’t make friends cry… Thankfully she found new friends. As a teen now her group is at least 5 kids so it all flows and they do things in sub groups as well.
It’s such a difficult number – 3. I have found that girls can be the most hurtful too whereas boys tend to shake it off and move on. One of my daughters is in a 3 but now that boyfriends have joined the mix, it seems to have calmed down.
Yes to all of this. Groups of 3 are so tricky. All of your points resonated with me today. As an adult I can now see what type of friend each person is but I’m now watching my girls learning these life lessons too.
As I have been through it all, I find I can see the friendships with my children a lot clearer than they can. I have advised my kids many times on how to handle situations so everyone wins.
I’m not a fan of triangle friendships, I’ve had some icky ones in the past and I see them constantly causing angst to others. I’ve never actually thought about the reason, season, lifetime theory but after reading this post, it makes perfect sense. I’ve had friendships for a reason, a season and I’m blessed to say, a lifetime.
I can clearly see my friendships within each of those categories. My tribe has contracted to very small, and there are lots of day when that still feels pretty lonely, compared to the bigger tribe I had enjoyed before the reduction needed to happen. There is nothing more precious, in friendships, than having shared history and being known by someone. This is the reason I spend way too much money on a non-powered camping site, to spend a long weekend each year with people I’ve known since I was a baby. Because that knowing of a lifetime means we don’t have to try so hard, and we know one another’s stories so intimately.
That is so true Tracy. I have people in my life that I don’t see every day or every week or even every month but they are my lifelong friends and when we do catch up – so easy.
I hate the clique of girls and friends. But it is part of life I guess. I saw so many issues with these at my schools and have seen the hurt of my grandkids. However, life is a tough gig and I know that coming through some of these times makes us more resilient. Three never works in so many ways..there’s always someone on the outer. Sad to say. Thoughtful post, Nat.
In so many things we do in life, people need to pair off. Go to a training session – pairs. Go to a seminar – often pairs. Go to a dance class – pairs. It is hard when there is three.
I have a beautiful girlfriend whom I have had in my life since grade two. She’s my lifetime friend and my lifeline.
You are very lucky and need to treasure that beautiful lady
Great post, Nat! I have definitely had friends from all three of these types and I’ve always been grateful for them. And I agree on the 3-person friendship thing, I had one in high school and it ended very badly (for me anyway, not so much for them. Nothing like having one of those people tell you they no longer want to be your best-friend and only want to be friends with the other girl from now on. It’s probably why I ended up floating from group to group for such a long time, I didn’t want to go through that again!).
Oops, forgot to add #teamIBOT
It breaks my heart when I see it happen with my kids as I know just how painful it is when friends don’t treat you the way you think they should. But I am sure I have done the same thing to other girls and not been aware of it.