What if there is no
‘happy ever after’?
I am a glass half full kind of girl whereas my hubby is often (but getting better) a glass half empty. Since I was a little girl, I have always believed in a ‘happy ever after’ type of scenario, and I don’t mean in the love stakes. I was taught that you can achieve anything if you put your mind to it.
After spending years within my own struggles, I worked hard to fight my way out and become the strong woman I am today. My mental health is where I find my happiness. Is everyone trying to achieve a happy ever after and what happens if you feel you haven’t achieved it?
But is that really true?
- Not everyone is going to achieve their ‘ideal’ job in this world – even if they try really hard.
- Not everyone is going to find that one special person to spend the rest of their life with, no matter how hard they search.
- Not everyone is going to experience the joys (and heartache) of being a parent– if that is on their wish list.
- Not everyone is going to be financially comfortable– no longer having the daily struggle with money.
- Not everyone is going to live a long, healthy life and peacefully pass away in their sleep.
So this idea of ‘happy ever after’ that we all strive to achieve, is it really achievable at all? The journey of life will continue on whether we have reached the state of ultimate happiness or not.
I look at my own life with four children, and sometimes I put the focus on my happiness while other times the focus is on their happiness. If I look at my life as it stands and honestly answer the 5 points above, this is my result:
- Ideal job– to help people understand themselves on a deeper level so they don’t struggle with the gift of life and to support teenage health and wellbeing – (achieved – IN PROGRESS)
- Special person– I’ve been happily (well most of the time) married over 20 yrs and so far looking strong – (achieved – YES)
- Children– I am lucky to have 4 beautiful (most of the time) children – (achieved – YES)
- Financial– We do alright but with four teens in the house and running my own business, many weeks are a struggle – (achieved – NO)
- Long life– Well I am only 45 yrs old, so far so good so this one is a work in progress – (achieved – IN PROGRESS)
RESULTS –
I have 2 x YES and 1 x NO and 2 x IN PROGRESS. Am I meant to be happy half the time? Am I meant to see the glass half full? Does my happy ever after weigh heavily on the ‘IN PROGRESS’. Actually, I think my happiness does depend on the final notch of living a happy, healthy life.
Everything is life is ‘IN PROGRESS’.
Let’s look at what happens with most of us.
- ‘Ideal Job’– you start your work life doing menial things. After much hard work, your career can take you places and you might land or create the ideal job. But will you work in the job until the day you die? Probably not – just a stepping stone until your talents take you elsewhere or you are financially able to finish work altogether.
- ‘Special Person’– With the statistics today of 1 in 3 marriages failing, many people thought they found that special person, only to change their mind down the track. Many people search for the ‘perfect’ person but there is no perfect person – just perfect for what you can handle. Understanding and accepting someone else unconditionally is easier said than done. It’s a constant work in progress.
- ‘Children’– If your dream is to have children and you are lucky enough to have them, congratulations. However, the birth is the easy part, you are now entwined in their life forever, constantly changing and always in progress until to reach the next stage. Children can make you happy, but thinking by having children is a ticket to happiness will only ever cause more pain. Parenting is always a work in progress.
- ‘Financial’– for 95% of the population, this is constantly in progress until you are one of the lucky 5% who is wealthy enough for money to mean nothing. Money doesn’t make you happy, it just makes things a little easier. I now understand that my happy ever after is not about someone or something else giving it to me, it is always about the way I see life. Happiness is at my disposal whenever I want it – it’s what I make everything in life mean.
“Diversity is not just whats on the outside – it’s what is on the inside” We can all strive for what society says should make us happy – but in reality – happiness comes purely from within. I am not saying we can work hard and want more or desire change but when your thoughts about what you have (or have not) no longer control your happiness – you will actually find it waiting for you.
So maybe you can determine for yourself whether there actually is a happy ever after or whether your happy ever after in always in progress.
Do you believe in happy ever after?
Love Always
Linking up with Kylie for #IBOT & Leanne @ DeepFriedFruit
Thanks for this post. Happiness has been on my mind and in my focus for a bit (articles keep popping up on and off-line this month).
I love the way the universe works. It will only keep sharing for so long and move on. Get to work on your happiness my friend.
I thunk happiness is a journey not a destination and so I think we’re all ‘in progress.’ You’ve nailed it, I especially like what you said about the special person, they’re not perfect just perfect for what we can handle!
I think when I was younger – I looked for the perfect person but little did I know then that this person is not real. What is good for me is not good for someone else.
Yes and no! I feel like I’m in upheaval right now and not very happy about it. But at the same time, it’s all stuff I’ve dealt with before and I know I can come out the other side of. It’s the all-at-once-ness that is dragging me down.
I love your all-at-once-ness!!! It takes more brain power to work through obstacles – that’s why many people stop. When you can tell yourself that when I hit an obstacle (or problem) – I have 2 choices (and a choice is a decision which is a thought) to either STOP because I don’t have the solution or give myself the GIFT of knowing I will find the solution.
I’ve found that sometimes when I can’t get what I want, I find something else to want and move on. And the biggest lesson? That sometimes I think I know what I want but something else shows up and it’s exactly what I need.
I love this Suger. Life shares messages with us and I try to listen. I know what I want and I will continue to try until I achieve it. Sometimes my time is wrong and I step aside for a little bit as maybe I needed to learn a little more before I achieve my ultimate goal.
My husband’s mantra to me includes these “it is what it is”….”we are all works in progress” …and “every day is different” and you know what I might not like him telling me these on some occasions but he is right. I need, at times, to let go of what is no longer going to be or happen, and embrace what is. I am getting better. Less looking at others and thinking they have it so much better is one of my things I am changing. No-one knows others’ stories, really. I love the work you are doing and on applying your learning to you. My post next Tuesday is “Six Months Check Up..of Me about Aspects of My Health.” Not cancer related either. Denyse x
You are amazing and so honest Denyse. I have loved following your journey as I have very a part of all the emotions you have gone through. Letting go of the past – what could (or should have been) is not easy but you are always going to lose the fight.
I was listening to a podcast with Nigella Lawso the other day and she said something like “happiness is not something you pursue – it’s a byproduct that comes from pursuing something else.” I tend to think that’s a good analogy. As for Happy Ever After? Its the title of my new novel (I’m in edit mode at present). I started from the premise that there can be more than one happy ever after & love changes over time. The other thing? The old Rolling Stones song – you can’t always get what you want – but you get what you need.
Oh I love all this Jo. I think happiness is a byproduct of pursuing what you want to do. I also think the universe works for you and sometimes we need to be patient or keep fighting if it is what we want.
I agree totally that our own happiness is an inside job. For years I was extremely competitive and compared what I had to others only to discover that it led to being miserable. These days I’m extremely happy with my life (mostly) and have everything I could ever want. I can’t believe you have 4 kids! #TeamLovinLife
LOl yep 4 kids ( and teens to make it even more interesting). I always thought happiness was from external stuff – the way kids are taught today. But I kept waiting for the happiness to arrive from outside of me. It wasn’t until I decided I needed to care for me that I understood my happiness was there all the time
I agree that happiness comes from within. I think that being half full all the time is unrealistic and being half empty all the time is depressing. But a balance of both brings about reality. Your post was thought provoking.
stopping via Lovin’LIfe
I suppose when you are half full you are also half empty at the same time – it all just depends on how you look at it.