Parenting different personalities
It’s not easy parenting different personalities and still be fair
For those who are new here, I have four children – two of each. Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been on a roller coaster ride of emotions trying to get this parenting thing right. Parenting different personalities and trying to be fair is not bloody easy.
My children range between 11yrs – 18yrs old, with the girls being the eldest two. What my children do not understand is every day I have to handle different moods, different problems and different temperaments, all the while trying to juggle being fair & consistent. Some days are easy as everyone complements each other. Whereas other days, I want to pack my suitcase and take a long vacation away from all the hormones and crappy behaviour.
Between the four of them, I have a child who is academic, one who is not so academic, a sporty child, one who is more artsy, a child who is helpful and one who screams whenever asked to help out, a child who is lazy while another who is a neat freak – and the list goes on and on. How on earth do you try to parent these children, with such a variety of personality traits and actually stay sane at the same time?
Parenting different personalities is an art form and you need a degree in ‘sanity’ to be successful. I am half way through my degree at the moment and this is what I have learnt so far:
The helpful child
This child never complains when you ask for help. They may be screaming inside “Shit mum, just let me sit and watch Modern Family in peace” but on the outside, they happily get off their arse and do as you ask. It can be difficult to say no to this child as they rarely say no to you. Just be careful though, they know more than you and before you know it, you are driving them everywhere out of pure guilt for everything they do for you.
The moody child
This child needs to be handled very carefully or else you will find yourself in the middle of a war zone before you have even had your morning coffee. Each time you see them, you greet them politely with a kiss (or hug) but you are always a little scared of who will greet you back. When they are good, they are the best child in the family but when the mood turns dark – RUN. This child has such an emotional heart that they can’t seem to control it but one day (hopefully soon) they will learn how to handle their emotions and the house will become a safe place once again.
The perfectionist child
This child puts a lot of pressure on themselves and can be so judgemental when it comes to anything they produce. It can be challenging being around this child when they have not achieved what they were expecting. Often their words are hurtful and said with spite, but this is done to protect themselves. This child knows their ability but is still too immature to understand that some days are better than others. Don’t take what this child says personally.
The lazy child
This child would be happy to wander through life and never pick up a piece of clothing or wash a dish or even brush their teeth. It’s all about doing as little as possible as often as you can. They are experts at hiding things around the house, including themselves when it comes to cleaning day. Unfortunately, you will need to be constantly on their back as they really do not get stressed about much and that can lead to a lack of achievements & self-worth.
The competitive child
This child sees a competition in every aspect of life but especially in sports. They do not hold back and will fight to the death. They are happy to push themselves until an injury occurs as they will never lay down in defeat. Competition is great but when the competition turns personal and they do not stop at anything – AT ALL COST, it no longer becomes enjoyable. Don’t try to beat this child – you will ultimately fail.
The academic child
This child takes their learning very seriously and often puts their academic life before everything else. This sounds ideal for a parent but it can be exhausting when they put so much pressure on themselves and do not know how to relax. If they have a growth mindset, they will leanr from failure. If they have a fixed mindset, they will believe they are their mind and when failure occurs, some children will simply give up. When you try to suggest time off or a day out, you get a dirty look and comments like ‘you just don’t understand‘. Embrace their brain BUT never play trivial pursuit with them in front of friends, it’s embarrassing for everyone.
The funny child
This child struggles to see anything serious in life, which is a great personality trait to have – unless you’re trying to parent one. No matter what you say, they smile and think you are an idiot. Yes they are funny and will probably never die of a heart attack as they are way too chilled, but when you need to get shit done, don’t ask them as they will only crack another joke.
The obsessive child
This child only sees life in black and white – there is a right way and a wrong way with nothing in between. Trying to explain to this child that some rules are a little more relaxed than others and they do not need to tell me EVERYTHING their siblings apparently do wrong is difficult. This child won’t leave the house until everything is completed and nothing will make them go any faster. Get yourself a good game on your phone and start playing it while you wait for them.
The bossy child
This child has to be in control and happy to bark orders to everyone. They often believe their way is the right way and can’t understand how everyone else doesn’t see what they see. This child will keep going and going until they finally break you and get their own way. Try not to get into an argument with this child as they are more skilled than you.
The loveable child
This child just wants to be loved and has so much love to give in return. They are happy to sit with you on the couch for a cuddle and love to be close to you when you are together. Savour these moments. I am lucky as I still have four of these.
How do you handle parenting different personalities?
Love Always
Linking up with Kylie Purcell for #teamIBOT & Leanne @ DeepFriedFruit
Interesting post. They are different and do require different techniques for the desired outcomes. I’d not really thought about it but it does sort of happen a little inately.
I tried to parent my kids the same and it mostly worked when they were little. But as they are older and have clear differences, I’ve had to change.
So true that each has a different need to be parented in certain ways, but you would always hope that they could learn what is for fhe “common good” in your family’s life. Wishing you well! Denyse. PS it is a lot like a class the way you have described your four!!
Bahahaha – sometimes it feels like a classroom filled with such a different array of personalities. And we are all very loud too.
My two are also very different in certain areas/aspects. It was a bigger issue for me when they were small and I had to figure everything out to start (and grasp that kids could be so different lol which meant different strategies were needed). Now that they are teenagers at least I know why something isn’t working and know to adapt to suit…. And thank goodness for communication skills of older kids vs younger ones who cannot always give you insights.
I have found even the way I communicate between the four of mine to be very differetn. One loves to call. One loves to text. One loves to grunt..(LOL) and one loves to talk in person.
I haven’t had to juggle personalities as a parent, but I had to do this x30 when I was a primary school teacher. I guess at home when there’s only 4 of them everyone is in the spotlight and it’s a lot more intense!
That is why I have such respect for teachers. They have to deal with such a huge range of skills, personalities, learning types and still smile.
I have just the one child – and that is partly due to nature, but it’s also a tad deliberate. I’m the eldest of 4 & I was always “the emotional” one, “the academic” one, “the responsible” one. It’s only now that I have my own (although she’s now 20) and I realise how lucky I’ve been to get to know her so completely & how tough it must have been for my Mum – who doesn’t do emotional stuff well – to deal with 4 very different personalities…and we all are completely different. #teamlovinlife
It’s interesting how you wrote that. I am one of 5 and I felt like my mum didn’t do emotional stuff well either – and that was me. I am very aware of my kids emotions because of how I felt mine were not noticed most of the time.
I think I’m the same with my daughter – for the same reason. Interestingly though, she’s so like my Mum it’s not funny! Her and Mum get on so well it’s beautiful to watch.
I’m dealing with very different personalities and I’m finding it trickier as they grow older because they are beginning to notice my parenting style does sometimes change to accommodate these personalities and they feel it’s unfair at times. I have learned to choose my battles wisely, take plenty of deep breaths and sometimes just hope for the best, because all I can do parent the best way I can under the circumstances thrown my way.
Picking the battles is always a challenge for me. I work so hard just to keep an even and open mind and most of the time I am really good at it. But sometimes I forget and everything turns to sh*t.
My three are all very, very different. They’ve all been very academic and did well at school and uni. The boys have played tennis and cricket but I wouldn’t classify them as ‘sporty’. My daughter is fiercely independent and has strong opinions (as done one of my sons). They all look completely different too. It’s been interesting!! lol #TeamLovinLife
When I have understood more about how to support each child – we have grown together. What has worked for one child hasn’t always worked for another. I held a belief I had to parent the same – this is something I worked on hard to change.
I feel your pain. I had two children, one male and one female and entirely different in every way. It was a rollercoaster, particularly during their teens. I can’t imagine how I would have handled four! Good luck. #TeamLovinLife
There are many days that I feel like I am on a rollercoaster. LOL
Oh boy, I have two and they fit every one of those traits so far, lol! It’s certainly going to be interesting. One of the best pieces of advice my Mum gave me (she, the veteran of 5 VERY different children) is to learn to pick your battles and understand that what works for one won’t work for the other and vice versa. It’s held me in good stead so far (but we’ll wait and see what happens in about 7 years when I have two hormonal, teenage girls!!!).
#teamIBOT
Pick your battles is so important. The older my kids have grown, the more essential this rule has become. If I didn’t follow it I would be battling every day.
Ah yes. So true! Love the pictorial use of the eggs for this post! Perfect.
LOL funny thing was a searched for ages to find a good picture and this one I just loved.